Saturday, 14 March 2009

An easy guide to turning pain to pleasure

Firstly, apologies, to all of you who read the title and thought this post will be about BDSM, it will not be.

This post is not about the good things of life, it is about the bad. Very bad. So bad that it makes even the most pacifist of us contemplate on buying a double barrelled shotgun.

Yes, I am talking of forwards. E-mail kinds. The only forwards I tolerate are the football kinds, that too, those wearing the same jersey as me. E-mail forwards, on the other hand, make me very nervous, like a cat-in-the-corner nervous.

Being a fiercely carnivorous pacifist by nature, obviously dealing with forwards causes some practical problems. A genocide of forward mailers maybe too stern a measure.
( amputation?..hmm...must ponder on it)

Anyway,hence I have devised a method to deal with the problem. It is a bit inspired by the rules of football. It is like the yellow card - red card system used by referees.

When a friend forwards a mail to me for the first time, I give him a benefit of doubt, and ignore it. Second time, is yellow card. I take a mental note of the person and add a splash of displeasure. Third time baby, and it is time for the red. Out of the field you go!
The name is promptly added to a mail filter that diverts all future mails from the sender to a folder labelled " Pardon me for polluting the global gene pool, I am so stupid I need someone to help me commit suicide".
There you go, it is pure sadistic pleasure from here on. No more forwards from the life form concerned ends up in your inbox. You can just sit back, relax, check how many "red cards" you doled out this day, and press the delete with a smile of accomplishment. Three red cards, and whaddya know, life form concerned is officially in the "Hall of shame". Sharing space in the block senders list with its retarded buddies.

For best results, the delete button should be pressed, while nursing a whiskey or sipping on a steaming cup of coffee.

If you have nothing to mail about, do not mail. But do not forward mails to me. Unless of course you're a closet masochist.

4 comments:

  1. heh... good one... i wish, though, you'd gone on a little bit longer... for one - you were on a good thing there... and for another - brevity does not become you ;)

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  2. Under no circumstances, can forwarding a mail to 15 or any number of people bring me good luck, make the true love of my life call me [something my deep love cannot do]... all this is sheer trash.

    I can still entertain forwards which have some amazing shots.. some beautiful lines, but thats about it. When I forward a mail, it would only be because I think that person would like it. I wish people would be sensible while forwarding... and of course, I sincerely wish that the wishes of those who believe in lucky charms be granted.

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