Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Diet Politik

Why do vegetarians assume that it is perfectly acceptable to entertain non vegetarian guests/friends with strictly vegetarian cuisine? Yes, we (the non vegetarians) are a more inclusive group when it comes to food we eat. But assuming that we would not want to continue our heathen carnivorous ways because we have the pleasure of your saintly company is pushing it a bit too far.

Would you like it if I turned the tables on you? Would you be as gracious if I called you home and offered you only kebabs and bacon?

Your saintly souls ( God bless them) are sensitive to the needs of all living things (somehow excluding plants and fungi from the scheme, which are living things too, the latter being akin to animals ). Yet you choose to be insensitive to the dietary preferences of others.
Now do not get me wrong here, my satvik friend. I understand your need to be more sensitive to some living things and less to some others.

All living things are equal. But some are more equal than others.

All I ask is that you ask me rather than assuming that I shall see the light by the grace of your company. And do not try to guide me to a better life through your words of wisdom. Leave your Veg man's burden at home.

Freedom of choice is the least you can offer, yes?

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Mannequin point a.k.a Romantic Rockbottom

"Check out the short haired mannequin" he said ( the one who shall not be named).

"Yeah man" I said, " it’s like life is taunting us by throwing short haired mannequins at us".

"Damn !!"

You know your romantic life has hit a rock bottom when you have such conversations over mannequins. When you stop and stare at them.

But life wasn't always like this..wasn't always about mannequin conversations. At least not till last year, when my last "affair" encountered a roadblock in the form of future life plans.

I wanted to start my business, make money, buy a Harley, retire to a log cabin hidden in the hills. She wanted to go to Europe, start a hippie village and spread love and world peace, and wanted to do it all in the next month. So we decided to be "just friends".

We still are. She didn't go to Europe yet. I started my business, haven't made much money yet.

Anyway, after that, my love life has been fairly non existent. It's not that I don't try (as my mom thinks and often reminds me "Go out. Meet someone. Settle down."). I do. I did twice, during the past year.

But obviously it did not work out. I was too slow and steady for them. The first romantic interest found someone else. The second is all set to leave the country in a week to return to her home country and might not come back at all. So I am still just "a very good friend" of both.

In my days of early youth ( I am talking pre twenties here), I wasn't this slow and steady guy. I was quite the opposite. Half the people to whom I had declared my undying love, I did not even know for even a week before I reached the conclusion that they were my soul mate. Needless to say most ended disastrously. One however, did work out and lasted for 9 years before geographical distance decided otherwise. A couple of short lived romances later, I was this slow and steady guy.

Do not rush into it, I told myself. And so here I am, all too slow and steady talking about mannequins.

But there is still Hope.

It was early 2004, me and a friend of mine (the other one who shall also not be named) were wandering in Lajpat Nagar. I was in a relationship.He just got the news that the love of his life, whom he had been trying to woo for the past five years, has found love in someone else. Obviously the world was a dark place for him to be in. All was lost. I watched helplessly as a bright mind descended into the infernal dark depths of sorrow.The Lajpat trip was part of the "Cheer the Boy" campaign. I hoped, some soul healing food (Golden fiesta sandwiches, ooh yeah) and PYTs out shopping, might help him through such dismal times.

Then it happened.

Out of the darkness, shone a twinkle in his eye.

" I want to take back this mannequin with me" he said, pointing at one staring at us through the glass entrapments of the salwar shop.

"Right" I said.

"No man, lets.."

Half an hour and three sandwiches later, I managed to convince him of the social and regulatory impediments of keeping a mannequin in his hostel room.

The girl changed her mind. He is married to her and living happily in the Queen's backyard.

So perhaps mannequins do signify something. Maybe mannequins are that lowest point of your Romantic Bell curve after which the curve rises again. Maybe..

"Let's come back later and free some mannequins" he said ( the one..).

"Yeah, we can. By the way, she was looking at us"

"That's a good sign. Shit, another hot one.."

P.S. I could not help but notice, most mannequins are Caucasian. Does anyone have any information about short haired east asian mannequins? Just curious..

Monday, 13 April 2009


I have formulated this theory. It is about a strange malaise that affects the Indian mind. For all I know, it might also affect non-Indian minds, but I am yet to encounter them.

This malaise, that wreaks havoc in our yoga empowered souls, is actually a subset of a greater disease that cripples our lives, the darkness that binds us, the hunger that consumes us,…known at other times as The Colonial Hangover.

But that is a discussion for another day. Today we shall discuss the malaise I have named PRS.

PRS stands for phoren return syndrome.

A subject suffering from PRS, would exhibit one or more of the following symptoms:

1. He would remark how everything in the concerned phoren land (CPL) was better. This would crop up even in the most innocuous of conversations.
e.g. ---“That’s a beautiful red flower”
[PRS patient] “ Yeah. But the flowers in ________(insert CPL) were such brilliant red. Indian flowers just don’t have that shade of red in them.

2. Normal conversations would include references to places/people/anything in CPL without provocation.
e.g. ---“That’s a nice jacket. I saw a similar one in _______ at __________(insert CPL).

3. For the next few days or weeks, the patient will wear or carry only those articles that have been bought from CPL. Usually the articles would have evident signs of their origins on them. If not, and if you do not ask, you will be informed of their land of origin nonetheless.

4. A lot of conversations would start with……”When I was in__ “or “ In ___”

5. Patient’s online status would be “ Back from ___” or some variant. Profile pictures would be changed to those with CPL setting and social networking sites around the globe would be full of Patient’s photos in front of some CPL landmark. In the absence of recognisable landmarks, other methods are employed to indicate CPL..usually photos taken under road signs or pubs, etc.

Several other minor signs are also observed. It is usually observed across ages and socio-economic classes. Through years of research and painstaking statistics, I have compiled these few thumb rules regarding this highly infectious disease.

One rule about the nature and duration of this disease is that –

The extent of PRS that afflicts a person is inversely proportional to the time spent at phoren land. The more time you spend at phoren land or the more frequent you go to phoren land, your PRS susceptibility reduces.

If you’re interested in knowing more about this evil that corrodes our Vedic pure souls, kindly get in touch. I would be happy to explain over a cup of coffee.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

Surprise somebody nominated my blog for an award. And I got this Blog of the day award.
That's all there is to it. I don't know what to make of it.